I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Success! We fucked roommates!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
