And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
