Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
