My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
