4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She's the barista slut.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Shame - the story of my life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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