Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
