Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
