Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
