dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
