Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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