You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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