I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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