Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
