My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
