Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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