Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
