So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
