I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
