so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
