I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
how does that bad decision feel?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
