just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
