I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
