I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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