Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
