Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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