failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
