If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
