omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Reggie can tackle my bush.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
