Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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