Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
