I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
