I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
