Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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