Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
