In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
