so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
