so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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