Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
