im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
