wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
