I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
