are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
