So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
