Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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