ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
