Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
this hospital has no fireball
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
