I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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