if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
