speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
