and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
