the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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