party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
