I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
