yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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