eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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