I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
