I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
