Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
