i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
