We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
