The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
