He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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